I hate the nab

never give up, never surrender
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Lauras 21st Birthday cake
Not sure what to write here, I’m usually a very private and reserved person and yet I’ve been spilling my guts online about who I really am.  Simply I am a decent human being who wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone.  I don’t tell big lies (I will lie about whether your bum looks big in those pants though – I might say the style just isn’t you but never that you’ve got a big arse, I'm sure 'social lies' are acceptable) and I expect everybody to be as honest as I am.  So as you can imagine I am always in the deep whoopsies because I trust the wrong people for the wrong reasons (who knew you couldn’t trust a bank manager to put your needs ahead of his own?).  So I’m gullible, bugger.
 
I love the simple things in life.  I love to garden although you couldn’t tell at the moment what with my garden being nothing other than weeds (where is the incentive to have your vegie patch when the bank tells you that you’ll be out of your home within a fortnight?).  I’m into self-sufficiency but even my house cow is dry at the moment.  I still haven’t set everything up the way I want – again – no incentive when I might lose the lot.
 
29/11/10  Just thought I'd update this; it's been 9 months since I was exiled to the city and I'm still not used to it.  I went from 600acres with no neighbours to having a backyard that is so tiny there isn't even a proper Hills Hoist - how sad is that?  So now there is no gardening to do. I don't know why I bothered to unpack the pots and pans - I don't bother cooking. I still haven't found out what kind of a woman I want to be when this is all over and done with; all I can hope is that I will not be a bitter, twisted and lonely grumpy old woman (I've decided against being the eccentric old biddy living on her own in a cat infested house lol).  I guess that since this fight is likely to take 4 years or so there isn't much rush to decide is there? 
 
coffee mug design by yours truly :)
What has this fight cost me? Let’s take the financial cost out of the picture (for now the cost is immeasurable as I may yet win – at a price of-course) and just look at the things that really matter.  I had a nervous breakdown which caused me to burn a few bridges that shouldn’t have been burnt.  I was pushed to a place where I seriously was ready to commit suicide - what stopped me is quite a story but it wasn't thoughts of my parents or anything else that should have stopped me.  So in myself I have lost something that was most important - my self respect.  I have lost some of the greatest loves of my life because I was so busy fighting the bank that I lost sight of the big picture and let people I love down.  These losses are what count most, the people I love who are no longer in my life – I’d give anything to have them back.  I will never be the same person I was before the loan from hell came into my life and my life can never go back to what it was.  This cost is the greatest cost of all in my opinion.
 


Connie top tier of Marias Wedding cakeSues Wedding cakeMarias Wedding cake
Once upon a time I had a life; I milked Connie the cow (isn't she sweet?), I used to decorate cakes, I used to do a lot of things.
Then the nab came into my life and they got me, so now I get to think about what I want to do next, I can't think about what I lost.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
© 2009-2010 R Cornell
this page created 31st January 2010
page last updated 14th December 2010